For five and a half months I was perfect at one thing…journaling. I never missed a day. Then, as I was re-prioritizing my day’s activities, I decided I was spending too much time on the computer, too much time thinking about writing, and too much time indulging the many Internet distractions that come with sitting in front of the glowing screen. This left me little time for the other pressing obligations I can’t avoid.
I restructured my goal knowing (and fearing) the very strong likelihood I would stop writing all together. I mean, if you don’t set the precedence to write every day, then how often do you write? Once a week is far too seldom to ever delve into weightier matters, every other day is inconvenient especially if the said day to write is already way overbooked. So what is left? Write whenever you have the time? Guess how often that really ends up being?
It’s been only about two weeks without more than two journal entries. Not long…yet, but the yearning to write is there and getting stronger. You see, it’s not the writing that I miss so much; it’s the meditating and organizing of my thoughts that I realize I need!
Writing requires contemplation, and with that contemplation comes realization and understanding. So much in my head right now is swirling. I need to write about it just to still the current, to catch my breath, so to speak.
And so for my sanity’s sake, I think I might take up the torch again and try to keep it burning bright---with only maybe a few dim days. Summer is upon us after all, and my personal time will be at an all-time low.
Hmm…I remember when summer was my favorite time of year. Now, I’m not entirely sure.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Outdated Technology
We drove home from church today and the electricity was out. The garage wouldn’t open but that revelation wasn’t enough to convince the kids that there truly was no power. They immediately ran through the house turning lights on and off and checking all of their favorite electronic devices.
No juice.
Its Sunday so if there ever was a good day to be without power, this one is it.
My kids wanted to call their grandparents and so we plugged in the “emergency” phone. You know, the one with the long cord…the one you can’t walk around with. Yep, that one. We still haven’t switched over to digital phones and on days like today, I am grateful.
“Ok, mom, what is grandma’s number?” Ava called from the hall where the phone was plugged in.
“It’s on the list on the wall.”
I listened as she and Ethan collaborated together eventually dialing the correct number.
“Um, mom?” Ethan asked.
“Yes?”
“Uh, how do you hit “talk”?”
I laughed out loud. Who knew we were already so far removed from the traditional “phone” that my kids wouldn’t really know how to use one.
“Just put it to your ear and talk. There is no button, you just have to dial.”
They hardly believed me, but with a small amount of convincing they finally brought the alien phone to their ear and connected with Grandma…to their wonder and amazement. Wow, the phone really worked! It was almost a miracle.
The next obstacle was hanging up. Now what were those instructions again?
No juice.
Its Sunday so if there ever was a good day to be without power, this one is it.
My kids wanted to call their grandparents and so we plugged in the “emergency” phone. You know, the one with the long cord…the one you can’t walk around with. Yep, that one. We still haven’t switched over to digital phones and on days like today, I am grateful.
“Ok, mom, what is grandma’s number?” Ava called from the hall where the phone was plugged in.
“It’s on the list on the wall.”
I listened as she and Ethan collaborated together eventually dialing the correct number.
“Um, mom?” Ethan asked.
“Yes?”
“Uh, how do you hit “talk”?”
I laughed out loud. Who knew we were already so far removed from the traditional “phone” that my kids wouldn’t really know how to use one.
“Just put it to your ear and talk. There is no button, you just have to dial.”
They hardly believed me, but with a small amount of convincing they finally brought the alien phone to their ear and connected with Grandma…to their wonder and amazement. Wow, the phone really worked! It was almost a miracle.
The next obstacle was hanging up. Now what were those instructions again?
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Calling in Sick
Sometimes, when I’m wishing on the Evening Star, I find myself dreaming of a sick day. Just one, or maybe two, where I’m laid up in bed, unable to manage my daily routine.
It’s not that I enjoy being ill but to have that day off is like a mini-vacation. The house falls to pieces, the kids run naked covered in orange Cheetos cheese, the household subsists on what little can be found in the pantry, but it’s all ok. Mom is sick, no guilt, no judgment.
See, that’s what I mean about the vacation.
So here I am, it’s Sunday night and I’m lying in bed writhing in pain as my stomach twists and turns, tying itself up in knots. I’m not sick, just crampy. It’s almost a wish come true, except…
All I can think about is the laundry list of things that need to be done, one being the fact that I haven’t written in my journal for 3 days and Sunday’s are best for that kind of thing. As expected, my children are running wild, but instead of being ok with it, their incessant loud and violent play is destroying the last of my ill-tempered patience. And to top it all off, I’m feeling intensely guilty about the fact that I’ve been a non-presence in my family’s life all day except to scream and yell as my little one continually whined and fought and pushed my buttons.
Not a vacation day.
What was I thinking? Moms do not get vacation days and feeling cruddy only makes matters worse.
Next time I’m going to wish for a “mental health” day instead. At least then the only writhing I will do will be to find a new position on the couch for reading a good book.
It’s not that I enjoy being ill but to have that day off is like a mini-vacation. The house falls to pieces, the kids run naked covered in orange Cheetos cheese, the household subsists on what little can be found in the pantry, but it’s all ok. Mom is sick, no guilt, no judgment.
See, that’s what I mean about the vacation.
So here I am, it’s Sunday night and I’m lying in bed writhing in pain as my stomach twists and turns, tying itself up in knots. I’m not sick, just crampy. It’s almost a wish come true, except…
All I can think about is the laundry list of things that need to be done, one being the fact that I haven’t written in my journal for 3 days and Sunday’s are best for that kind of thing. As expected, my children are running wild, but instead of being ok with it, their incessant loud and violent play is destroying the last of my ill-tempered patience. And to top it all off, I’m feeling intensely guilty about the fact that I’ve been a non-presence in my family’s life all day except to scream and yell as my little one continually whined and fought and pushed my buttons.
Not a vacation day.
What was I thinking? Moms do not get vacation days and feeling cruddy only makes matters worse.
Next time I’m going to wish for a “mental health” day instead. At least then the only writhing I will do will be to find a new position on the couch for reading a good book.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Happy Mother's Day
Yesterday was, indeed, a happy mother’s day. After a nice “brunch” served by the men of my ward, I headed home and took a nap. Yep, a nice, long, lazy nap – and it was HEAVENLY!
When I decided to re-enter the family fray, I wandered down the stairs and saw a beautiful garden in bloom.
When I decided to re-enter the family fray, I wandered down the stairs and saw a beautiful garden in bloom.
It seemed that my children had been busy at work bringing spring to the indoors.
As I rounded the corner the flowers continued to bloom on display all over the kitchen cupboards, the windows, and the walls.
This wonderful touch brightened the smile on my face and the interior of my home. It was such a simple and thoughtful gesture and it kicked the pants off of any bouquet that could have been purchased and brought home for me.
I'm one lucky girl to be a mom and a wife to such a fantastic bunch!
Friday, May 6, 2011
Ethan Hit a Home Run - I Am Serious!
Ethan plays baseball and loves it. The game ranks second only to video games which, unfortunately for us, can never be trumped. This is his last season in the Little League FARM division. For winterball he moves up to minors and openly admits he’s a little nervous. No more “instructional” ball. They play to win!
In FARM the kids are only allowed two bases on a hit even if errors would permit more. The exception is if the ball is hit hard enough and airborne only touching down in the grass of the outfield.
Ethan got his first career home run last night! He rounded on that ball, sent it sailing into left center, and took off running. After an exaggerated turn around first base, he raced down the base path beating the throw to home.
As his feet streaked across home plate his arms shot straight in the air in an excited victory pump. He jogged back to the dugout amidst the cheers and congratulatory back slapping of his teammates. This was a big day for him!
In FARM the kids are only allowed two bases on a hit even if errors would permit more. The exception is if the ball is hit hard enough and airborne only touching down in the grass of the outfield.
Ethan got his first career home run last night! He rounded on that ball, sent it sailing into left center, and took off running. After an exaggerated turn around first base, he raced down the base path beating the throw to home.
As his feet streaked across home plate his arms shot straight in the air in an excited victory pump. He jogged back to the dugout amidst the cheers and congratulatory back slapping of his teammates. This was a big day for him!
I have to apologize for the outdated picture. Not only was this one from last season (November 2010), but Ethan is pitching, not batting or running for home.
Maybe I need to take my camera more often??
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
The Little Mommy
The boys were behaving in their normal, cooperative fashion, hitting and scratching one another. Ava, caught in the crossfire, attempted to defuse the bomb.
“Ethan, you need to apologize to Andrew!”
“No, he hit me first. Look, I’m bleeding!” Ethan shot back in anger whilst displaying a tiny bead of blood oozing from a scratch on his arm.
Ava crouched down to Andrew’s level and with her arm around him said, “Andrew, you need to tell Ethan ‘I’m sorry’ OK?”
“No!” he threw back in her face and continued to cower in the corner.
Ava turned to me, exasperated and declared, “Arg! It’s so hard being a mother!”
Yes, yes it is.
“Ethan, you need to apologize to Andrew!”
“No, he hit me first. Look, I’m bleeding!” Ethan shot back in anger whilst displaying a tiny bead of blood oozing from a scratch on his arm.
Ava crouched down to Andrew’s level and with her arm around him said, “Andrew, you need to tell Ethan ‘I’m sorry’ OK?”
“No!” he threw back in her face and continued to cower in the corner.
Ava turned to me, exasperated and declared, “Arg! It’s so hard being a mother!”
Yes, yes it is.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Faith Leads to Action
As women we are told many things to help improve our lives.
On the one hand we are directed to simplify our lives, to take time and to slow down.
On the other, we are asked to care for others, dropping everything to be there for them, and this doesn’t mean just our families.
How can we possibly do both? Life is full of contradiction and compromise.
I am pretty good at one of these directives, and then not so good at the other.
I crave simplicity. I actively look for ways to cut out distraction, to lessen activity, and not because I am lazy (though at times that may be true). I do it because we are a happier family if we are not running to and fro at a frantic pace.
I have to admit that because I am working towards doing less, adding more charitable work to my schedule seems a conflict of interest. Don’t get me wrong, 99% of the time, if you need me, I’ll do whatever it takes…but you have to ask. I’m not focused on seeking you out.
I know, I should be.
Lately, I feel as though I’m being pricked, poked into realizing that I need to grow and that there just might be a better way. I’ve noticed a greater sense of love for others and a stronger desire to help. I’ve felt a need to be charitable, to seek for opportunities to give service. I’ve watched others and have spent time contemplating how I could help and what they might need.
Last Sunday our Relief Society lesson was on Elder Eyring’s talk from conference, “Opportunities To Do Good.” And then I re-listened to that same talk while running last week.
I have felt that wake-up call to action. I know I can do so much more. I understand that this will take faith; faith to prioritize according as the Lord sees fit, not based on my list of to-do’s. It will take faith to ask Him every day in solemn prayer, what He would have me do.
One young woman bore her testimony today in Sacrament meeting about her opportunity to give service and then how she also gave a Book of Mormon as a gift. She said that the feelings she had were indescribable and confessed that “if this is what it feels like to serve a mission, why wouldn’t I want to go?”
And so I ask myself…
If reaching out to my fellowmen in the way the Lord would have me do would make me feel more fulfilled and bring me more joy than I could possibly hold in my heart, then why wouldn’t I do it?
On the one hand we are directed to simplify our lives, to take time and to slow down.
On the other, we are asked to care for others, dropping everything to be there for them, and this doesn’t mean just our families.
How can we possibly do both? Life is full of contradiction and compromise.
I am pretty good at one of these directives, and then not so good at the other.
I crave simplicity. I actively look for ways to cut out distraction, to lessen activity, and not because I am lazy (though at times that may be true). I do it because we are a happier family if we are not running to and fro at a frantic pace.
I have to admit that because I am working towards doing less, adding more charitable work to my schedule seems a conflict of interest. Don’t get me wrong, 99% of the time, if you need me, I’ll do whatever it takes…but you have to ask. I’m not focused on seeking you out.
I know, I should be.
Lately, I feel as though I’m being pricked, poked into realizing that I need to grow and that there just might be a better way. I’ve noticed a greater sense of love for others and a stronger desire to help. I’ve felt a need to be charitable, to seek for opportunities to give service. I’ve watched others and have spent time contemplating how I could help and what they might need.
Last Sunday our Relief Society lesson was on Elder Eyring’s talk from conference, “Opportunities To Do Good.” And then I re-listened to that same talk while running last week.
“Our Heavenly Father hears the prayers of His children across the earth pleading for food to eat, for clothes to cover their bodies, and for the dignity that would come from being able to provide for themselves. Those pleas have reached Him since He placed men and women on the earth.
You learn of those needs where you live and from across the world. Your heart is often stirred with feelings of sympathy. When you meet someone struggling to find employment, you feel that desire to help. You feel it when you go into the home of a widow and see that she has no food. You feel it when you see photographs of crying children sitting in the ruins of their home destroyed by an earthquake or by fire.
Because the Lord hears their cries and feels your deep compassion for them, He has from the beginning of time provided ways for His disciples to help. He has invited His children to consecrate their time, their means, and themselves to join with Him in serving others.”
I have felt that wake-up call to action. I know I can do so much more. I understand that this will take faith; faith to prioritize according as the Lord sees fit, not based on my list of to-do’s. It will take faith to ask Him every day in solemn prayer, what He would have me do.
One young woman bore her testimony today in Sacrament meeting about her opportunity to give service and then how she also gave a Book of Mormon as a gift. She said that the feelings she had were indescribable and confessed that “if this is what it feels like to serve a mission, why wouldn’t I want to go?”
And so I ask myself…
If reaching out to my fellowmen in the way the Lord would have me do would make me feel more fulfilled and bring me more joy than I could possibly hold in my heart, then why wouldn’t I do it?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)