The Importance of Names

As usual, this is way too long but sometimes I just can't help myself. The good thing is I will never know that you got bored and stopped reading...and really, I wouldn't blame you anyway.

How many times have you heard that giving service is the ticket to feeling better about your own life? Getting outside of yourself will lift and inspire you. This is a bona fide, absolute truth.

Well, I want to submit that remembering others will also raise your self-esteem and slowly begin to change your self-perception. And honestly, I think we all need a little of this now and again.

Back in high school (and earlier if you really want to go back) I was a shy kid. Not a painfully shy kid, but timid and reserved. I wasn’t courageous enough in my convictions to speak out and I wasn’t even sure of who I was. Life experience has taught me many things and much of that hadn’t happened yet.

And so I spent most of my time trying to hide in the background believing that if I stayed just below the radar, I would go unnoticed, and unnoticed was safe. The sad truth about this tactic is that being invisible also means missing out on many interesting opportunities, many more growth experiences, and it even hinders any significant achievement.

In the fall of 1992 I began attending Ricks College in Rexburg, Idaho. For a shy girl, a new town and a new school could have been very difficult, but I found that the larger crowd allowed me to blend and disappear even easier.

But here was the problem with my personality. Though I never felt pretty enough to get the appropriate attention, I never felt smart enough to rise to the top, and I didn’t have the confidence to make up for either of those deficiencies, I was a social person. I wanted and needed to have friends and after the first semester of my freshman year, I realized I didn’t want to blend.

And so, a wise bird whispered a little idea in my ear, and I ran with it. It was simple really. All I needed to do was remember a name, or many names, as the case may be.

Everything changed. For four months I had spent three to four nights a week going dancing; dancing at the Retrix, the weekend school dances, and the Galleria. I had met quite a few different people but did I remember a single one of their names? Did I even know who they were by the time the song had ended? Nope, in one ear and out the other.

And you know why? Why exactly did I forget their names? Well, simply put, I was too busy worrying about myself.

Boy walks over and asks me to dance.

Agreeing I follow him to the dance floor thinking, “Oh my gosh. He asked me to dance!”

The three golden questions are asked;

What is your name?
Where are you from?
What is your major?

And though I answer coherently and ask him the same questions back, the entire time I am thinking…

I hope I don’t have bad breath.
Did he notice the zit on my chin?
I think these jeans make me look too fat. He’s probably embarrassed to be dancing with me because that girl over there looks so much skinnier.
I wish I would have worn a cuter outfit.
This song is kind of long. I’m so uncomfortable.

And on, and on it would go. Was I ever thinking about him? Did I even recognize the fact that he had asked me and that point alone should have put at least a few of my fears to rest.

In the midst of all of these thoughts, I wasn’t processing anything he said and when the dance was over I virtually ran back to the safety of the throng of girls I came with…even if the boy was cute. I wouldn’t even remember his name.

You see, names had never been important to me. If I saw someone I knew, or had met previously, and I wasn’t absolutely positive they knew me, I would walk on by ignoring the fact that I saw them. How embarrassed would I be if I said hi and they didn’t recognize me? I would look like some kind of stalker…I would be humiliated.

But this new semester would be different. I realized that everyone wanted to be recognized and remembered. We all wanted to hear our own name and to feel important to someone.

So I began my transformation by remembering others, or at least their name. The “new” me would memorize each and every name; this solid memory came at the expense of hearing little else in the conversation that followed, but in the end, I knew their name.

The true magic happened later when we would run into each other again. The conversation would go something like this:

Me: “David! How are you! It’s been so long!”
David would, of course, not remember me. Who remembers anything from so brief a meeting?

David: “Uh…mmm, hi?”

Me (looking flabbergasted): “What? You don’t remember me? How could you forget? We played almost every day as little kids…the sandbox, the swings. Remember you fell off your bike and cried like a baby?”

David (clearly uncomfortable at this point): “Uh…”

Me: “Just kidding,” I would laugh but with a kind, inviting tone. “I actually met you at the dance probably three weeks ago.”

David: “Oh, I think I remember.”
He would be lying but would be clearly grateful he hadn’t forgotten someone of more importance.

Me: I would then extend my hand and reintroduce myself. “Hi, I’m Rebecca and you are David. It’s nice to meet you.”

David: “Yeah, it’s nice to meet you too.”
This time it would be genuine and from that point on, we were friends. David would never forget me again, probably for fear of another episode of public ridicule. Eventually his friends would all become my friends as well, ever widening my circle of influence.

A really interesting thing happened through all of this…

When I spent my time and effort memorizing things about someone else, it stopped the relentless thoughts of doubt and self-deprecation. I lost myself in someone else. It was this simple act, the decision to “remember,” that changed my life.

Now, I’m not here to say that just recognizing someone is equal to serving him, but it’s a start. Sometimes a warm smile of recognition is all the service we need and this is universal whether you are fat or skinny, smart or challenged, rich or poor.

As a natural consequence, my self-esteem literally blossomed and now I look back on my years as a young adult with great fondness. I grew, I lived, I became who I am today through much of it and I realized that no matter how we look, we all feel the same on the inside. We all feel deficient in some way or another and though it manifests itself differently, that feeling is universal.

So, here’s your second absolute truth…well at least how I see it:

Remembering and recognizing someone else will do more for your self-esteem than pretty much anything else...and as a bonus, for those of you who are not so self-centered…it will completely lift and brighten their day as well.